I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
His nipple licking is glorious
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