apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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