I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
