How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
