im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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