Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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