in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
