..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
