I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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