I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
