I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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