twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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