How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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