I am puke
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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