would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
