Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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