Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Randomize
