Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
