I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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