Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
