in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
