i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
