Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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