you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
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It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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