So drunk, too bad you don't want this
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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