You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
