I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
