Plan B is the new Plan A
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize