living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Randomize