i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize