So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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