I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
