Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
