So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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