Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
