All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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