I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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