Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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