Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
