I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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