he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The adults are the big ones right?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
