If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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