youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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