just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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