pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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