she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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