i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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