My room smells like vodka and shame
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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