Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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