The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
There's always time for handjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize