I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
