The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How does it feel to date your dad?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
