shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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