Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
