Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
