but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
