Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
