apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
