So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
