He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
