You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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