i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
