When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
