Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
