this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
