Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
