I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
