Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
