Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
