Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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