the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
