Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
